Alone

How can I feel so alone and yet be surrounded by people who love and care for and about me?  I long to feel "normal".  What is normal anyway? I have never been that.  I have always had some form of label that made me the odd girl out.  I don't want to be on the outside looking in anymore.  How do I become normal?  I don't want to struggle to get the things I desire most in life.  I want to be one of the women posting cute notes and pictures about how they are expecting their first, second, third child.  Don't get me wrong I love my daughter and if she is the only child I ever have I wouldn't change it for the world.  But my heart longs for more yet my body stands in its way.  I want my Dad back.  He died  15 years ago and on nights like tonight I want him back.  I need a great big bear hug from him and for him to tell me it will be alright.  It seems all I can do is cry but it doesn't help.  No matter how hard I try I just can't make this feeling go away.  How can it be happening all over again?  Am I really going to have to struggle another 3 years for a child?  I am about to be 33 I don't have 3 years to waste!