Ever since my daughter was born, I feel different. I feel like I slip in and out of depression easier than I used to. I am in one of those modes now. I am jealous of what everyone else has and what I don't. I feel like I don't fit in with any of the people I know and that some how they are just putting up with me. I don't know why I feel this way but I do. I feel like my world is crashing in and no one cares. Like I could disappear and only my husband and daughter would notice. I just don't feel important. I know that is a dumb thing to say and that it is not an accurate analysis of the way my friends feel.
I think watching all of the "first day of school" posts have really pointed out to me that I don't work, that my day is not filled with dead lines or appointments or having to get my car load full of kids from point a to point b. It is just my two year old and me all day. I sometimes go days without talking to anyone but her and my husband. I know it is in ways my fault because I don't reach out but I feel like everyone else is so busy they don't have time for this stay at home mom and then I get forgotten in the background noise of their busy lives.
This is probably all hormone related and it will be over in a few days but I needed to give it a voice so I can get control over it. Maybe now that I have said it out loud I can move on. Lets hope so. Because tomorrow is a new day................
1 comment:
enjoy being home with her now. when she gets to school and has little time for you, you can look back and be thankful for that. your time will come when you have to shuttle her around and you will miss and long for the quite days you have now. and i too went through phases like this where i felt like people just tolerated me. give it time because one day you will meet that friend who wants to be involved with your life as much as you do hers.
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